Tub Wars
by Canadino
Summary: This tub ain't big enough for the both of us. DenNor


**Disclaimer: The only thing I own is the story idea and only some of the witty remarks. I own so little; so please don't steal.**

Background music: -

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Tub Wars

"This bathtub ain't big enough for the both of us."

Norway looked up from where his fingers had been poking holes in the layer of soapy foam on the warm bathwater – but Denmark was not talking to him. He did not think the idiot had been; after all, it had taken stupid brother eons to convince him to finally take a bath with him, a practice Norway enjoyed being a solo endeavor. _Anko_ was going to make it perverted and messy, so Norway found it necessary to lay out a couple of ground rules. In no way was Denmark going to touch him other than to platonically wash his back. They were to sit in the tub (not even meant for two people, really) facing each other. Denmark was not going to splash around like a child. Dirty talk was not permitted. Just because they were finally going to get around the centuries of skirting their relationship did not mean they were going to be silly and foolish and make out in the bath.

They had been sitting in silence, allowing the _slish, slish_ of the water against the side of the white tub to fill the void, before Denmark opened his mouth. Norway watched, droplets of water sliding down the bangs hanging limply over his eyes, as the age-old nation pushed a couple of rubber ducks around the water. Where had they come from? Norway did not remember Denmark bringing them into the bathroom. One rubber duck had blunt points coming out of its head, a punk duck. Denmark clearly favored this one. Another duck had black sunglasses painted upon its face. The last duck had a sleepy expression (ah, Norway remembered this one; Denmark had picked it up at the store and said _Whoa, Nor, look, it looks just like you!_). It was bobbing gently up and down as Denmark played around with the other two.

"One of us has to go," Denmark intoned, taking a deep voice Norway recognized as the one _anko_ used whenever mocking Sweden. He waved the sunglasses duck. Punk duck (DenDuck, Norway realized slowly) submerged its beak into the water and Denmark squirted a stream into SweDuck's face. "Get out, get out."

For a while, Norway watched listlessly as Denmark began a tub war with the ducks; DenDuck was pushed around to try and bat SweDuck along as SweDuck bobbed back. Sleepy duck (NorDuck, probably) floated away at times, only to be snatched back by Denmark, as if the wanderings of a plastic toy might actually jeopardize the victory of DenDuck. Norway did not really understand how the idiot's mind worked.

"You win, I'm a loser," SweDuck said, to which Denmark tossed DenDuck in the air and cheered as if he had really won something. SweDuck was pushed away as DenDuck celebrated his winning with NorDuck by touching beaks (Norway flushed and tried to kick Denmark in the water, but he only got a brief look).

"I'm jealous of your awesomeness, Den," SweDuck quacked, and Denmark's fingers navigated the duck back toward the other two. "You are just too awesome for me to comprehend. So I'm going to be mean and take away Nor." Denmark plucked NorDuck out of the water and set it on the rim of the bathtub. "For years and years I'll make you unhappy and make him forget you." Letting DenDuck float across the tub to Norway, Denmark began batting at SweDuck, trying to make the rubber duck stay underwater and throwing up water in the process. SweDuck proved to be a difficult adversary, as it refused to stay under even when Denmark started pulling at it. "But it's okay; we'll be friends later, even though I created this huge gap between you and Nor, and when Nor left he no longer wanted to live with you but it's okay." Denmark's voice was getting bitter and the water was becoming lukewarm.

Smoothly, Norway raised his hand out of the water and took NorDuck. "Don't be sad, Den," he said, gently guiding DenDuck over to where NorDuck was. "I've learned a lot but I haven't forgotten you." He scoffed, as Denmark abandoned SweDuck's abuse to stare. "It's impossible with an idiot like you."

When Denmark shifted in the tub, water sloshed over the edge, splashing onto the floor as it made its way to the drain, but Norway didn't reprimand him for that – or for settling over on his side, or for wrapping an arm around him, or for kissing him, smelling like soap and shampoo.

Owari

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Note: SO WHAT math. I defy you. I write DenNor. I really want these rubber ducks, guys. SERIOUSLY I want. I'm contemplating a trucker!Prussia for my next story…hmm, I think it will be interesting. Thanks for reading.


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